Less Irritated – Day 1772

After offloading in my last post, I do feel better. My irritation with Mr Mac is more about me than him. There are several things going on I think.

He is closest to me therefore gets the brunt of my irritability. I’m not getting out to see family and friends because of Covid. I’m not exercising or getting enough fresh air. We’re renting while Mr Mac renovates our new house. (which makes me feel in limbo). I haven’t been eating enough lately and I’m lonely.

I believe all these things contribute to how I am feeling. Is it possible to feel bored but at the same time have no interest or motivation to do anything?

Writing all this down does give me a starting point to begin sorting it all out. I have been eating more these past few days. I worry about getting into bad habits and putting weight on but I know I am less irritable because I have eaten more meals.

I have contacted a friend and we are meeting up for a walk tomorrow; come rain or shine. I will turn up and it will be good for me.

Even writing here in my blog again helps immensely. It gives me a place to talk openly and relieve some boredom.

I need structure and I don’t like it when things change or feel out of my control. I have to remember to take small steps towards doing things which are good for me. I need to organise my week so I don’t become lethargic.

I don’t want to be that person who will be happy when…. When the kids go back to school or…. When Lockdown restrictions ease or…. When our new house is renovated.

The unease is within me and I need to deal with that so I can be happen now not ‘when’.

I recognise this feeling but I don’t know what to call it. It comes over me in cycles. One minute life is good. I’m busy writing articles for my Website; I am motivated and get joy out of it. Then, several days or even weeks later I cannot get motivated. It becomes such an effort to write. I’m bored, but I have no motivation to write or seek out anything to do.

All the while I feel guilty for not working or doing more. Then, after a few days or weeks it suddenly passes and I’m motivated once more to work and write and laugh again….. until next time.

I cannot find rhyme or reason for feeling like this and I don’t always know how to fix it then it happens.

I have changed jobs twice over the last few years trying to find peace from my anxiety. I now work for myself and Mr Mac at home. This has eliminated all feelings of overwhelm and massively reduced my anxiety which is great but have I gone too far?

Am I now bored and lonely because of it? It doesn’t help that within weeks of starting to work from home we were thrown into lockdown!

I’ve rambled enough. I will make sense of this. I will find the right balance…. eventually….

Mrs Mac.

Loneliness in Sobriety – Day 1650

It’s officially Autumn here the United Kingdom. The weather is getting cooler and the leaves are starting to change colour.

Although lockdown restrictions are continuing, my kids are back at school. I am pleased about this as it gives my kids routine and a sense of normality. Besides from the obvious academic benefits, I believe it will be good for their mental health and developing social skills too.

I am enjoying my new routine too. The house is definitely quieter with the kids at school and it allows me to concentrate better on my new website. Moreover, I am more patient and present when my kids come home. Bonus.

Unfortunately, we have recently been hit with stricter ‘local’ lockdown measures in my part of the UK. These new local measures restrict us from visiting friends and family at the moment which is disappointing. Nevertheless, I remind myself to focus on what I can control not what I cannot. Which, by the way, is still the single best bit of wisdom I have gained during my sobriety journey!

Luckily, I did have a great night out not long before the restrictions came into effect at an outdoors Bongo’s Bingo event. Despite my initial reservations (will it just be full of drunk people???) it turned out to be a fantastic evening, full of bingo, music and laughs. No alcohol was required.

I wrote about my night out and my attempt to start losing my Lockdown Belly (which is still a working progress) on my website soberthinking.com. I’ve included links below.

I also want to share with you my latest article called Loneliness in Sobriety.  I talk about the dangers of loneliness in early sobriety and ways of combating loneliness, even if you’re not a people person. 

Did you know the emotional feelings of loneliness can benefit you too? I look back on my own experience of feeling lonely and not feeling understood in early sobriety and see it now as a necessary evil.

Without this baseline feeling, I would never have known what I wanted or needed to move forward and evolve. You can read the full article here.

If you want to follow me on soberthinking.com please do. You can sign up to my Newsletter and receive my free Getting Sober Guide here.

I don’t send out newsletters very often so you’ll not get bombarded. It’s just a way of letting you know when I have put out a new article or diary post.

Mrs Mac x