Less Irritated – Day 1772

After offloading in my last post, I do feel better. My irritation with Mr Mac is more about me than him. There are several things going on I think.

He is closest to me therefore gets the brunt of my irritability. I’m not getting out to see family and friends because of Covid. I’m not exercising or getting enough fresh air. We’re renting while Mr Mac renovates our new house. (which makes me feel in limbo). I haven’t been eating enough lately and I’m lonely.

I believe all these things contribute to how I am feeling. Is it possible to feel bored but at the same time have no interest or motivation to do anything?

Writing all this down does give me a starting point to begin sorting it all out. I have been eating more these past few days. I worry about getting into bad habits and putting weight on but I know I am less irritable because I have eaten more meals.

I have contacted a friend and we are meeting up for a walk tomorrow; come rain or shine. I will turn up and it will be good for me.

Even writing here in my blog again helps immensely. It gives me a place to talk openly and relieve some boredom.

I need structure and I don’t like it when things change or feel out of my control. I have to remember to take small steps towards doing things which are good for me. I need to organise my week so I don’t become lethargic.

I don’t want to be that person who will be happy when…. When the kids go back to school or…. When Lockdown restrictions ease or…. When our new house is renovated.

The unease is within me and I need to deal with that so I can be happen now not ‘when’.

I recognise this feeling but I don’t know what to call it. It comes over me in cycles. One minute life is good. I’m busy writing articles for my Website; I am motivated and get joy out of it. Then, several days or even weeks later I cannot get motivated. It becomes such an effort to write. I’m bored, but I have no motivation to write or seek out anything to do.

All the while I feel guilty for not working or doing more. Then, after a few days or weeks it suddenly passes and I’m motivated once more to work and write and laugh again….. until next time.

I cannot find rhyme or reason for feeling like this and I don’t always know how to fix it then it happens.

I have changed jobs twice over the last few years trying to find peace from my anxiety. I now work for myself and Mr Mac at home. This has eliminated all feelings of overwhelm and massively reduced my anxiety which is great but have I gone too far?

Am I now bored and lonely because of it? It doesn’t help that within weeks of starting to work from home we were thrown into lockdown!

I’ve rambled enough. I will make sense of this. I will find the right balance…. eventually….

Mrs Mac.

8 thoughts on “Less Irritated – Day 1772

  1. This huge shift in our world has been complicated.
    I spent 2020 feeling temporary. As a result, I lost almost all my routines. On one had, this has been good for me, to realize I am not what I do.
    On the other, I am often listless and low.

    In 2021 I am trying hard to take things in shorter periods. I know what next week will look like (most likely). I plan with that in mind.

    Eventually I will need to get back to eating better. I feel squishy in yoga, and I have lost a lot of strength. At 49, I’m also still and achy!

    But I’m doing it all slowly. I have more time than I know what to do with. I am not in a rush.

    Keep writing. You have reminded me to make my plan for next week. I forgot last weekend. Sigh.

    It’s also freezing here. -57 C with the wind chill.I am not sure people are supposed to love like this, lol. Semi hibernation.

    Anne

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you Anne. It’s nice to hear I’m not alone.
      I think I too have more time than I know what to do with. Normally it is filled with visiting family or making plans to meets friends or go out for a meal with Mr Mac but we cannot do these things at the moment.

      That makes me sound like I’ve got a massive social life but I really don’t. But it looks like I relied on the company of my few friends more than I thought.

      I’m going to take your advise and write more. I will also make sure I have a plan for next week because it is so easy for me to become listless too without a plan.
      -57 c is too cold 😬

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Nice to read your blog again… I think the irritation is normal for all of us cooped up with loved ones. I think it’s also great that you don’t have the anxiety from work anymore having successfully switched to being self-employed. It’s nice to meet up with outside groups, even via Zoom if possible… I was really shy to do this but it’s helping me so much. Same with this group in the blogworld. :)) Hugs xoxo

    Like

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