Lockdown: Drinking v Sobriety – Day 1480

Drinking During Lockdown:

Before getting sober, my drinking brain would have used this current situation as an excuse to drink more. Losing my drinking restrictions like school pick-ups, work, visiting relatives, etc… means I would have drunk in excess of my already excessive normal.

The anxiety I would feel trying to get ‘enough’ booze in the house to see me through would be awful. Because there is simply never ‘enough’ is there?

I would feel resentment towards everyone being at home with me. How could I drink in peace with everyone there, judging me? How could I hide my drinking and the empty bottles from them!?

My silly excuses about why drinking again tonight would be a good idea would become lame at best. Shame around not being able to control my drinking would creep in. I’d end up drinking more just to block out these bad feelings drinking was creating.

For me drinking during lockdown means, more anxiety, more lying, more sneaking and hiding. I would feel shame and start to resent everyone who was home with me.

Sobriety During Lockdown:

Being sober during lockdown means I have more control over my anxiety. I can see when watching too much news is starting to make me feel antsy, you know? I remember to focus on what I can control.

I have more energy because I am not dealing with a hangover. I use my daily exercise quota to go walking with my family. The extra energy I feel and the fresh air of the outdoors helps my physical and mental wellbeing too.

I actually like spending time with my family. I am not resentful; trying to get rid of them, so I can drink without being judged. I enjoy their company so much more.

For me, not drinking during lockdown means, less anxiety, no resentments and no shame. It means I have more time for me and my family. I do more and have more fun!

Conclusion

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I have never been more grateful to be sober x

Mrs Mac

Check out my website soberthinking.com for more posts and articles

Easter Weekend in Lockdown – Day 2473

Over this Lockdown Easter Weekend it has felt hard not seeing my parents, and my sisters and their families.

Normally, I would have planned a visit to my sisters over the Easter Holidays to catch up and swap Easter Eggs with the children. My parents would have been invited to our house on Easter Sunday for lunch. There would have been drives out for family walks or even a weekend away somewhere.

However, during lockdown none of this can happen. I don’t want to dwell on what I cannot do though. That is too easy and does not actually help me. When I find things which are out of my control, I try to focus on what is in my control.

I may not be able to visit my sisters but we have been calling and video calling. In fact, I think we are probably chatting to each other more than we normally do.

My parents have discovered WhatsApp. We have created a family WhatsApp group and have been sending funny meme’s and quizzes to each other. This is fun and entertaining for all of us, including the kids.  We are also thinking about surprising the family with a nice postcard or letter. No one gets nice mail anymore so we thought this would be a great Easter gift.

As a family, we have not been able to drive out for a family walk. However, that has not stopped us going out. During lockdown we are still allowed to go out for exercise. As long as it is near where we live and walkable. As the spring weather arrives we have discovered so many more places around where we live.

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Yes, we will not be enjoying a weekend away for a while but while we are on lockdown we have really enjoyed being together. I feel thankful that I have my family living with me.

We are enjoying watching movies together. We have learned that it works better if we all take turns picking the movie. Less arguments that way.

We have re discovered that it’s fun playing board games together. Lately, we have played ‘Risk’ and ‘Monopoly’, though I never seem to win haha.

There has been lots of baking going on and we now have more time to all sit down at the table for dinner together. I think this has resulted in me putting on an extra few pounds.

While it may feel hard not seeing my family in the way I am used too and there are many other restrictions on my freedom at the moment.  I realise, I just need to shift my focus away from what I cannot control and toward what I can control. There is still so much more I can do and can control.

While things are hard and far from ideal, it is important for me to focus on the positives, no matter how small they may be. I am doing this to help save lives and along the way I am finding other positives too. x

Mrs Mac

Check out my website soberthinking.com for more posts and articles

4 Years Sober – Day 1461

It’s coming to the end of my 4th year Sober.

Today has been just an ordinary day; nothing special.

This means I enjoyed helping the kids with their school work (including finding out who invented Tarmac!).

Eating lunch with Mr Mac and having time to catch up.

Watching some episodes of a teen series with my daughter.

I had time to talk to my son about helicopters and computer games. It’s all far more advanced than the Spectrum ZX I had as a kid.

Plus, we all enjoyed a nice family meal together at dinnertime. This still includes fart jokes and discussing funny meme’s; which I still don’t always get but I’m not complaining.

I’m now all tucked up in bed, reflecting on the day. Which I can conclude, has been great. I feel calm, happy and content.

This is a far cry from where I was 4 years ago.

The amount I was drinking left me too tired to give the people I care about most in life, the attention they deserved.

My hangovers left me anxious and full of remorse because I’d drank yet again after I promised myself I wouldn’t.

I constantly felt shame and self loathing for not being able to control my drinking.

Nothing I did made me feel better until I just stopped drinking.

Cutting out the alcohol completely may have been hard in the beginning but it has enabled me to like myself again.

I have learned how to deal with my emotions and how to navigate difficult situations, without reaching for the bottle.

I am a better friend, sister, daughter wife and mother. I have learned to reach out when I need help and that I can be there for others by just listening.

I have created a better life. One that makes me and the people around me happier.

Now, life is not always a bed of roses but boy is it better Sober.

If this ordinary day can make me this happy and full of gratitude then I must be doing something right.

Being Sober is still one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

Mrs Mac

Check out my website soberthinking.com for more posts and articles