Drinking During Lockdown:
Before getting sober, my drinking brain would have used this current situation as an excuse to drink more. Losing my drinking restrictions like school pick-ups, work, visiting relatives, etc… means I would have drunk in excess of my already excessive normal.
The anxiety I would feel trying to get ‘enough’ booze in the house to see me through would be awful. Because there is simply never ‘enough’ is there?
I would feel resentment towards everyone being at home with me. How could I drink in peace with everyone there, judging me? How could I hide my drinking and the empty bottles from them!?
My silly excuses about why drinking again tonight would be a good idea would become lame at best. Shame around not being able to control my drinking would creep in. I’d end up drinking more just to block out these bad feelings drinking was creating.
For me drinking during lockdown means, more anxiety, more lying, more sneaking and hiding. I would feel shame and start to resent everyone who was home with me.
Sobriety During Lockdown:
Being sober during lockdown means I have more control over my anxiety. I can see when watching too much news is starting to make me feel antsy, you know? I remember to focus on what I can control.
I have more energy because I am not dealing with a hangover. I use my daily exercise quota to go walking with my family. The extra energy I feel and the fresh air of the outdoors helps my physical and mental wellbeing too.
I actually like spending time with my family. I am not resentful; trying to get rid of them, so I can drink without being judged. I enjoy their company so much more.
For me, not drinking during lockdown means, less anxiety, no resentments and no shame. It means I have more time for me and my family. I do more and have more fun!
I have never been more grateful to be sober x
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