As you know, last February 2019 I left my Government office job to work in a smaller school office, with less responsibility.
I had been unhappy in my job for a while. Even after getting sober, the job did not improve. Though I will admit, it was more manageable being sober
It was a huge decision to leave my job and career as a Civil Servant. I had been there for over 20 years. It was a scary decision, which I had put off for more years than I should have. This was mainly due to the fear of the unknown. Many people feel trapped because they are fearful of change and I was one of them. I still am, to a degree.
Once I started on my journey to find another job, I actually gained in confidence. I did have to take things slowly so I would not get overwhelmed and I had to remember to use my sober toolbox to keep my anxiety at bay.
The things in my sober toolbox are not exclusively to help with being sober. The things in my sober toolbox are to help with everyday struggles. They help when I get overwhelmed and they reduce my anxiety. They are about self care and looking after my physical well being and mental heath.
Getting sober and staying sober created the foundation which my toolbox is built on but I have filled it with all the things I need to navigate my way through life. Part of getting sober is to build up a handy collection of tools you can use when you are struggling.
Once I started my new job I had to remember to keep using my tools. It was a bumpy ride at first but I have come to love my new job and the people who work there. I have enjoyed a wonderful year in my new work environment and made some great friends.
Because of the journey I have been on over the past few years, I am less fearful of the unknown. I have therefore made the decision to leave this job also. I do not feel like I need to leave this job because I am unhappy or because I am finding it difficult. But rather, I want to leave this job because I know myself better and what I want out of life.
For a long time I have struggled to understand what I wanted. My blog often comes back to the same question of, who am I as a person? and what do I want to do in life? There was always a feeling of wanting more.
I think what was holding me back was this feeling of being trapped because I was too fearful of the unknown. I was too afraid to try in case it didn’t work out. Well this fear has not gone but it is more manageable.
I am more confident to try new things. We don’t always have to have it all worked out in advance. I am happier now to give things a go and see if they work because I rather try and fail than not try at all, right?
I am continuing to work on my sober website. It is going well and I’m learning so much. My short term goal is to transfer my blog over to there.
I will continue to pursue what motivates me and what makes me happy. x