Well I passed my 3 year Sober-anniversary on 1 April 2019. I was planning on writing something meaningful or organising a treat for myself but things just got busy.
Mothers Day was the day before my sober-anniversary and my birthday was the Friday after, so I felt well and truly pampered anyway. Then, the kids broke up for the Easter Holidays and time just flew by! Interestingly, I never planned to have my Day One on the 1st April, it just sort of happened that way.
A few months before my Day 1, I actually managed to stop drinking for a little while. It was after a particular bad night, where I had drank too much wine in the house and was too ill the next day to take my daughter to school. I was so ashamed that I stopped for 7 weeks. I swore (like I had a thousand time before) that I was never going to get into that state again. Inevitably, I started drinking again, but I swore (like a thousand times before) that I would be sensible and moderate my drinking. After 7 weeks off, I’d be fine to drink again, wouldn’t I?. However, within only 2 months, I was back to drinking every night in the house, sneaking drinks, hiding bottles and breaking every promise I had made to myself (again)
On 31 March 2016 – I was exhausted, full of shame, and had no idea what to do with myself. I remember sitting on the toilet, saying to myself “who does this?????” “who drinks like this???” Then it hit me, only alcoholics drink like me…. That scared me.
For years I knew I had a problem with alcohol but I just couldn’t find the solution. The problem was, I still wanted to drink. The solution I was looking for had to involve still drinking somehow. I just had to find a way to control it.
On the 31 March 2016, sitting on the toilet, I realised, truly realised, that the only solution which was going to work, was not to drink. Boom. It sounds so simple now but it took me a long time to accept that.
3 years on, I am more happy than I would have ever been, if I was still drinking. It really scares me to think where I would be now if I was still drinking. In the beginning it was hard, very hard. I could not allow myself to think of being sober ‘forever’, it was just too scary. Slowly though, as the weeks and months passed, I couldn’t imagine starting back at Day 1 again. I’d come too far to start over, to do the really hard day 1, week 1, month 1 again.
Today, I feel free. The further away I get from my Day 1 the easier it is. I never think about drinking now and I never crave it. This was something truly unimaginable, in the beginning.
Giving up alcohol has been the biggest achievement of my life.