Well, it’s been a while. I was meant to do a post for my 1000 days which fell just around Christmas but things got busy. I’m still sober and still happy. Mr Mac is nearing his 6 month marker and I am very proud of him. He has been listening to the ‘One Year No Beer’ podcast which has totally changed his thinking. He just doesn’t understand why anyone would choose to drink as he is more productive and happier. It is lovely to see but I am conscious not to link my sobriety to his. We are on two very different journeys.
There has been lots of changes with work recently. I have not been happy in my job for the past few years. I waited to see if being sober helped this. However, nearly three years on I can safely say it is the job not me. My role is changing into something I am not comfortable doing though I have been reluctant to do anything about it. Fear mainly, of change. However, months ago I suffered what I can only describe as a panic attack. I was sitting at work when suddenly I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath and started feeling dizzy. After hiding out in the toilets for 10 minutes, I realised it wasn’t subsiding. Back at my desk, I could feel my heart pounding out my chest while still struggling to catch a proper breath. It was very frightening.
After being taken home, I went to the doctors, who completed an array of test which all came back fine. The doctor said it sounds like a classic panic attack though I don’t seem like the sort of person to get them. HA story of my life! I couldn’t possibly be an alcoholic as I have it so together. I couldn’t possibly suffer a panic attack as I come across so confident and sure of myself. For goodness sake!
Anyway – this episode gave me the push to look for another job. I have been brave and slowly (very slowly) started applying for other jobs. Fast-forward 3 months and I have a new job which I start on the 25th February.. I know for absolute certainty that I would never have been able to do this if I was still drinking. My new job is exactly what I am looking for. I am leaving a large government department with all its bureaucracy and joining a small school office with a much more nurturing environment. The job is less responsibility but I know it’s the right decision for me at the moment and I feel happier already.
I feel there is going to be a few months of upheaval as I get used to my new job and maybe times of overwhelm therefore I’m making a conscious effort to blog more as I know it helps. I realise I should have blogged more when I had my panic attack (if that’s what it was) and when I was applying for jobs. I should stop waiting until things have ‘settled down’ before blogging and just blog right in the thick of it. When will I learn! On a positive, I have been keeping a gratitude journal which definitely helps x