I need routine – Day 518

Wow, we are coming to the end of the kids 6 weeks holidays here. It has been great, lots of family time, walking, camping and picnic’s etc… However, as much as I’ve loved our time off,  I have been feeling low recently, ‘can’t be bothered’ lethargic I guess. If i get out for a walk or into the fresh air with the kids I feel better. I couldnt work out why I was feeling like this especially when im on holiday, but then it hit me a few days ago…… I’m bored.

Im bored of looking after the kids, im bored of cleaning and cooking, packing picnics and thinking of days out to keep everyone happy. I feel like im doing everything for everyone else but nothing for me. This feeling reminds me of why I drank. I drank for some excitment in my life, I drank to escape the boring humdrum of raising kids, cooking dinners and generally picking up after everyone. I love my family and kids, I really do and I wouldn’t actually change a thing but sometime I feel like I lose a bit of who I am along the way.

I lost a lot of my own identity when I became a mum, being a mum consumed me, took up all my time and energy and it still does. I am a mum before anything else. My children are my world but sometimes I wonder who I am.. I honestly believe I drank to escape, it was my time out from being a mum. Drinking was my fun time, until it wasn’t fun anymore. So I am now wondering who am I… I feel like I have been on a life time out for the past 10 years. I need to start figuring out what I want to do, not just hang around waiting for what the kids need from me next. The biggest problem I have is that I havent the foggiest what I want.

That said, I know I will feel better when the kids go back to school and I return to work. Work isnt my favourite place. I kind of fell into my job and now I stick at it because it allows me to be part time and have the same holidays as the kids. But I will have more of an identity then, not just being a mum. There will be structure and routine to my day.

I will then count the weeks until we are on holiday again hahaha but somewhere in between I will think of what I want….

Update – I have just read my last post which was at the beginning of the holidays where I talked about the need for routines and some me time πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ I’ve obviously not followed my own advice. I knew at week 1 I needed to plan some me time to survive these holidays and I did in week 1 – 3 Cinema night, day out with my girlfriends, camping trip.  However, by week 5/6 I have well and truly forgot to follow my own advice!!! 

Xxx

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7 thoughts on “I need routine – Day 518

  1. This post is absolutely spot on. I can identify with everything you say. I am really looking forward to getting back into a routine. I am going to my first spin class for over a month tomorrow. At one point I was going 3 or 4 times a week. I need to go to that class and I’ve forwarded Mr So not to let me make any excuses to get out of it.

    I think you and I are only a couple of days apart. Hopefully the new term with bring us both a new sense of purpose and direction and remind us how flipping fabulous we are! Hugs Tori x

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes we are very close in days. I feel maintaining my sobriety is less of an issue at the moment, I have no desire to drink. It’s more about working out who I am as a person. What do I want. I have learned that I need balance. Family, Work, Running/Pilates, Me and Mr Mac time. They are all important things but too much of either one can actually be bad. I will restore the balance next week with adding work and my Pilates class back into the mix. Hopefully my mood will lift then x

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I’m at day 520 today. I have free time, now that both kids have left the nest, and I’m still faced with the same thing you are: what do I want. Motivation is kind of an issue as well. I really want to do yoga, but I can’t seem to make it to class. The kids years were so much harder though. I’m amazed that anyone is able to maintain sobriety, with all that stress and soul-crushing laundry. ; ) But I miss it, actually.
    Here’s to a soul-searching September! πŸ’•

    Liked by 3 people

  3. When I retired from teaching I lost my identity!
    It’s been hard. And motivation to go for a walk? Ha!
    But I am trying not to be too hard on myself. It seems so many people struggle with these same isses!
    Happy Day 518!!!
    xo
    Wendy

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Wendy, it’s reassuring to me that others have also struggled with their identity either due to getting sober, kids leaving home or leaving their career. Sometimes knowing that it’s not just me helps a lot.

      Liked by 1 person

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