Sober and Strong – Day 445

The warmer weather has arrived. This time last year I was about 80 days sober and had not long come back from my first successful sober summer holiday. I remember struggling with the whole warm weather/holiday/beer garden cravings and I had to exercise some serious sober muscles at the time to stay sober. I drank loads of AF beer, blogged and ate lots of chocolate to cope at the time.

This year by comparison, is sooooo much easier. I don’t miss it. I’m not worried I might drink on holiday, I’m not worried about being tempted by alcohol on a hot summers day.  I think this is partly due to being further away from day 1 and partly because I’ve been through that experience sober already. The sober firsts are definitely hard but honestly the next time is way easier. Hungover on a hot day sucks too!

Today has been a good day. I volunteered to help out at a work event this morning. I usually hate this sort of thing because I hate the unknown.  It will bring my anxiety on and I would spend the weeks leading up to the day trying to come up with excuses to get out of it. This time I felt stronger, still anxious but stronger. Several times leading up to the event, I would feel paniced, what is the venue like? who will I be working with? what will my role be??!?! Each time this happened, I kept telling myself it would be okay. Lots of people repeatedly volunteer to do this so it cannot be that bad and more importantly you know you will feel like shit if you don’t turn up.

I decided not turning up just wasnt an option.  I made a plan and felt calmer. My plan was, if it was shit, I would make an excuse and leave but I had to go first and try. Well, I went and it was fine, great in fact. I am so pleased i didnt shy off , I’m so proud of myself today.  This first time was hard. Battling against my  fear of the unknown, wanting to help but worried what it was going to be like. However, I now know next time will be way easier. My confidence has had a major boost.

I can honestly say that if I was still drinking I would not have turned up. After drinking to cope with the ‘stress’, my anxiety would have won; I would have made a last-minute excuse; dropped people in it, resulting in feeling guilty and totally disappointed in myself; which would have made me drink more. Im pleased im off that crazy train.

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