Things have settled down again, phew. The ‘what if’s’ and ‘fuck it’s’ I had been feeling over the last few weeks have gone. I have the odd thought of “mmmm that looks nice” when I see someone on telly having a drink but I just laugh at myself. No lingering thoughts or cravings in any way.
Why was I romancing the alcohol the past few weeks? I don’t know. Analyzing it now, I guess I had a bad cough (which is unlike me) I had dropped a few exercise classes (my instructor moved to New Zealand) and I was generally feeling unhealthy. Could that have been it?? Was it PAWS or the fact that I reached my year milestone and needed another goal??? was it all of the above?
Well, what I do know is that my cough is largely gone, I have started a new Pilates class and I am curbing the amount of junk food I am eating and I feel rather healthy now. What I do know is that these feelings do pass and I need to remind myself of this in the moment. Which is easier said than done.
The Party Girl inside me was saited after a great afternoon, climbing through the tree tops the other weekend. Me and Mr Mac had a great time and it was such an adrenaline rush. Later that day we enjoyed an evening together (without the kids) I bought some AF wine, which is not like me but I think it was a way of coping with the real cravings I was experiencing back then. The AF wine was okay but not great. (I threw half of it away) It didn’t make me want the real thing, thank god. I was happier with a juice.
Later, we went out for a meal. Hubby had a few beers but it didn’t bother me. I thought it might, considering how I was feeling but it didnt. I’m used to Mr Mac having a couple, he only ever has one or two, he says he just cannot drink anymore than that. (how strange lol.)
Once we were in the cosy pub/restaurant, enjoying a nice meal, after our adrenaline fueled afternoon, it was the food and the company I was enjoying. Alcohol would have ruined it. We heading back to where we were staying and stayed up late drinking coffee, eating chocolate and watching a movie together. That night while I was snuggled up with Mr Mac, in food coma, I realised that I was happy and made peace again with my sobriety.