I’ve been meaning to post for a few weeks now but haven’t. Im not sure why because at the moment I keep thinking about drinking, so this is the perfect time to blog. Maybe its my booze brain conspiring against me.
Im not seriously going to drink but I definately am romanticing the idea more than usual. If I sit with the thought, i quickly come to the conclusion that it is a bad idea. I don’t want to go back to day1, i don’t want to risk going back to being that person who hides bottles around the house. However, the idea of drinking keeps popping back into my head – like it wouldnt be that bad. What’s going on?
How can I know I don’t want a drink yet keep thinking about drinking? Maybe not now/today but some point in the furture. I don’t get it. I cannot even think of a time when i would have a drink. I dont get cravings anymore, there is no more wine o’clock or must have beer in the sun. I’m happy with my AF beer and soft drinks. So why am I keep fantisising about drinking in the future?
I know it should be one day at a time and each day I wake up and think, not today. Maybe that is enough. However, relapse happens in the head waaaaaay before it happens for real. So I guess I’m just telling on myself here and hopefully my drinking fantisies will go away because thats what it is, a fantasy.
I think I will go and re examine my sober tools. I’ve dropped an exercise class lately and I am eating way too much chocolate at the mo, which doesnt help. My mother in law has become seriously ill which is hard for us all but mostly for my husband. Work is fine but the novelty of going back to work has worn off a bit now.
At least I’ve blogged today. X