Well I have returned to work. The early morning’s are not as bad as I thought, in fact I’m quite enjoying sneaking out the house before everyone is up. The drive is peaceful and a good time to prepare myself for the day ahead.
Im conscious of staying positive and not letting myself get overwhelmed. I am taking the training and help on offer at work (something I wouldn’t have done in the past because Id tell myself i should be able to handle everything) its all going surprisingly well. I feel calm and proud of myself.
I know I will get bad days but I honestly believe doing this sober is WAY easier than drunk/hungover. I was worried my old anxiety/depression would return but it hasn’t. It just goes to show that my anxiety/depression was all to do with the massive amount I was drinking, not work.
I also worried work might be a trigger. Returning to that old routine which i used to drink in. That “ahhhh” moment at the end of work, driving home thinking of a bottle of wine or 2 in the fridge. Just waiting to ‘check out’. Well it hasn’t happend yet, so I dont think it will. I dont think about drink anymore at the end of the day. That awful cocktail hour that lasted from 3pm to 8pm haha where I had to drink, couldnt stop thinking about a drink, has gone. It’s been gone for a while now but I couldn’t say when it left me.
I want to keep my calm feeling; I want to enjoy the challenges work presents; I want to continue to be compassionate and thoughtful. I want to live my life properly and I can only do that sober.