An Emerging Thought – Day 27

I think time is passing quicker now, compared to Day 1. I know it is still early days but right back at the beginning, the days definitely past slower. It felt like I’d been alcohol free for ages, then I’d realise, I was only on Day 5. I’d think – Surely I’ve got my days wrong; I’ve been good for so long; how is it only Day 5?!

Now on Day 27, time has shifted a bit. It has sped up. I’m gaining some AF momentum. It’s been 3 days since my last blog post but it feels like I only wrote it yesterday. I think this is because I’m getting used to my new routine. I’m not obsessing over wine o’clock, drafting or posting blogs, just to take my mind of the pull of wine so much.

Dont get me wrong, I still think of drinking daily but not like a gut wrenching craving. More in an analysing way. Why do I want a drink? How would that make it better? Why does everything have to revolve around bloody alcohol? It’s like I’ve just woke up to realise the worlds gone mad over alcohol.

I’m definitely of the view point that I can never drink again. I might want a drink sometimes, like on a Sunny day; a Party or with friends (to name a few occasions) and its okay for that thought to pop into my head. It will take a lot longer than 27 days to re programme my brain after 20+ years of drinking, but I’m not going to drink.

There is a thought lurking at the back of my mind, which is slowly formulating and coming to the surface. I’m trying to capture this thought. I want to hold on to it and nurture it. This thought is that drinking is just not an option. It’s not a scary thought but an empowering thought. If I truly accept that drinking is just not an option for me then it frees me from all the cravings and any doubts I may have about giving up. You see, I accept I’m going to have cravings, I may doubt my decision to give up alcohol from time to time. I will have good days and bad days. However, I also accept that drinking is not an option for me, therefore its all a bit of a moot point really. The booze bitch in side me can shout as much as she wants. I’m not going to discuss this with her. Drinking is not an option. End of.

5 thoughts on “An Emerging Thought – Day 27

  1. I agree it is hard, some days harder than others, but we can do this. If I put the same energy and determination into being soberthat I used to put into my drinking I should be abe to crack this no sweat hahaha. I find everyone’s blogs really helpful, from the newly sober to those with years of sobriety under their belt. I dont really post. i’m definately in the lurker camp at the moment 🙂

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  2. I just read your blog from beginning to now. Thank you for it, especially since you are further along. I “feel” everything you have said. All is so true. That part about helping your child in the middle of the night…so many mornings I woke up in cold sweat thanking God that nothing happened in the middle of the night. I wasn’t that “out of it” all the time but even a handful a month was too much. Worst that happened to me was that one time I was so “asleep”….probably more like passed out even though I had made it to bed just fine…..that my dog didn’t get let out and pee’d in my closet. I can live with that. The day by day seems manageable but I want to puke when thinking of forever. But…maybe once I see results like weight loss, more energy, better skin, more wonderful glowing mornings under my belt, it will be easier to think long term. I know it’s bad. I write about how bad it is. I don’t want it right now….but I have a hard time writing about never. I too have a family holiday in June. That will be my real test!!
    -HD

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  3. The forever thing scares me. I definitely try not to over think that one. On a good day I can be so determined to never drink again but on a bad day or hour or minute, even thinking about forever, is enough to undo all my hard work.
    I like to think about the now. I’m not drinking now and I’m going to continue to not drink now. I do hope that one day I’ll have enough sober days under my belt that the mere thought of going back to day one will scare me shitless and keep me sober.

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