I wrote before Christmas about how the thought of drinking was creeping back in. I want to thank you for your comments and unwavering support and advice that drinking would be a very bad idea! Even though I know this to be true, having you lot say it out loud definitely helped.
I survived Christmas sober and even though I had thoughts of drinking beforehand it didn’t really bother me on the big day. I stocked up on some great AF beers and Ciders and I even treated myself to an AF gin. (which was somewhat underwhelming really; I enjoyed the tonic water better.)
However, heading in to the New Year, I kept having these little fantasies about trying a real beer. It usually creeps up on me before a night out with friends or hubby. I day dream about having one all the way until I actually get out, then I order an OJ or AF beer and I’m fine. Poof Gone – No more thoughts of wanting a real one. Plus, by the end of the night and especially the next day I am soooo grateful I didn’t have a drink. Phew.
I think I need to re-affirm my decision to quit. Somewhere in the back of my brain I’ve left a small window of doubt open. I need to double down on my reasons to be and stay sober to help firmly shut that opening.
We have recently come back from a family ski trip in Bulgaria where I unfortunately broke my wrist on our first day. Luckily, hubby was fine to take the kids skiing while I sat at the bottom of the slopes drinking coffee. However the desire to drink was strong. Mainly due to boredom and feeling sorry for myself I think.
So we are all back in the UK and I have a further 4 weeks until I get my bulky cast off. This is a good time to work on me and my sobriety. I cannot do much else at the moment – one hand typing is getting tedious haha.
Way back over 6 years ago I wrote a list of all the reasons why I was getting sober. This was so I could go back and read it if I ever doubted my decision to quit. The top five are below but there are many many more.
- You hid bottles of wine to hide how much you were drinking.
- You drank vodka in secret so it didn’t look like you’d drank much wine.
- You wasted far too many nights zombie’d in front of the TV and eating shit.
- Alcohol stopped being fun – you can’t only have 1 drink.
- My kids seeing me drunk.
The best thing I did at the beginning of my sobriety was to firmly make a conscious decision not to drink then made a promise to Never Ever question that decision. I may have 2521 days sober but today I re affirm my decision not to drink and promise to use all my tools available to me to help me do that.
today i will not drink